Well its been a week or 2 since i posted in my LJ. I've been meaning to post, but I'm so caught up with life and just handling stuff. I honestly don't know what to write. I think my best friend is annoyed and mad at me. I guess things will figure out by itself though. >.< I just want her back. x[ ugh I'm such a dope for moping around instead of just telling her how I feel. God, I'm a loser. -_- I don't think I can take it anymore, I just want everything back as it was before. Life was so easy back then, so damn innocent. I just really feel like shit right now, I don't know what to do or how to do it. I can't relax until everything's settled, I'm just one of those people. I guess if I don't really mean that much to my best friend anymore, than I should just maybe move on. There are so many words I want to tell her, but I just can't. I don't have the guts to tell her that no matter what, I'll always be there for her. Ugh, I really am a loser! x[ Damn it, I suck so much! So much for being brave and strong. I really don't know what to do anymore, it's like everything is falling apart in my life. And the person that I need most isn't even there for me anymore. :[ Why does my life have to be so messed up?! I've talked to everyone, but not the person I want to talk to the most. I mean, argh. For like 3 days now, I've been thinking of what to tell Naomi, and I just can't whenever I see her, like this is wrong. I'm sorry, but what's her problem anyways? Why does she have the right to be mad, or sad, or annoyed at me?! I should be the one, wait, I am! Urgh, it just hurts to know that we're both fading apart. I just want to tell her that even if we won't be best friends anymore, I'll always be there for her. Even if she doesn't want to be my friend, then I won't be her friend anymore because if she needs me out of her life to make me happy, then I'll walk out of her life. I'll always care for her and be there for her, even through 8th and probably high school. Even if I'll be the last person that she'll come crying to, I wouldn't care, as long as she has someone.
(sorry, i sound like a lesbo.) but then how do I tell her so I don't sound gay? Ugh I don't know, life just sucks like a mofo now. Ever since I started avoiding j, we started fading apart. Ever since she got closer w/ keisha, we kinda stopped talking to each other. =[ I'm so sad because of her, I cried because of her and yet she's just frickin pissed off and annoyed probably by my actions and words. Well I'm sorry for being emo, I just really need her by my side. I thought she'd be the person who'd walk in when the world walks out, but it seems like she walked out when the world walked in. I guess she just doesn't need me anymore... =[ I don't blame anyone but me. If I told naomi how I felt nothing would've been so screwed up. If I just ignored j and hadn't of avoided him, then me and her wouldn't of faded apart. I blame myself for everything, but I don't want to be the person to say sorry to her, because I don't exactly know what I did wrong. I'll say sorry to her until I know what I've done wrong, because I don't want to say sorry to her w/o knowing what I did. Actions speak louder than words, and both of her words and actions are speaking louder than ever. Should I really just walk out of her life? If she really wants me to, then I will. It's just like what she asked me on the phone one day, If jay ever asked her out and said that he'd still be her bf only if she wasn't best friends anymore. I told her that I wouldn't be her friend anymore, because I wanted her to be happy with jay. Except this time, it's not with jay in this situation. It's her who can make the decision, if she wants me to be her friend, then I'll be her friend. If she doesn't want me to be her friend, then I'll stop being her friend. I really and truly do care about her, so if she doesn't need me, then i'll walk out of her life for her to be happy. If only she knew how much I cared about her. I don't care if I'll be the last person she'll have to come to during tough times, as long as she know's that I'll be there for her. Maybe not forever, but for now. I guess I'll tell her maybe today on the phone or on monday, I think today will be better... she'll probably ignore my call. =[ awe i suck! >.<